you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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