Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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