Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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