The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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