Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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