I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
