you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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