i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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