those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
