I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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