umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
