he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize