do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He passed out mid-signature
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
