I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
