That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
