first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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