I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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