Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
two words...techno handjob
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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