If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
