he thought i was a dude.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
