She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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