My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize