8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
