Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
