is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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