Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
