whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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