that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
