God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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