i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
