Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
