atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
