You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
