he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
