did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
