That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
