Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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