Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
