Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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