you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
