Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
