we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
