I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
