So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
