Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
