dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
