I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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