I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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