Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
