just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You have to summon your inner elephant
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
