I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You have to summon your inner elephant
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
