i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
