i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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