So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
