I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
