just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
