he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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