Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
