Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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