Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk is not a location!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
