just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize