he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
