my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
