I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
