It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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