Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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