You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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