My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
