just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
