Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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