Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize