You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
