sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
