Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
