Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
