Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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