I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize