If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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