Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
