if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
