All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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