Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
