Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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