We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
