$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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