So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
