i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just invented taco cereal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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