I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
