please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
