i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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