All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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