either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
