Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
