I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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