it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
