just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
