I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
