i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize