girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
