There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
