i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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