watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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