she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
