We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
