I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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