I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
