Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
sex in a hospital.. check
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
