not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
