if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
