Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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